Two Stories on Expectations and Reality
During the summer I met up with a friend who is Mum to a (then) six month old, adorable and smiley little girl. She shared so many helpful tips and was my very own product reviewer. I literarily asked her a hundred questions about each and every product she had at home and she patiently talked me through the pros and cons of them all.
I remember, she told me about a co-sleeping baby mattress, it might have been the sleepy head, I don't remember because I didn't take it in. I had assumed that I wouldn't be that attachment parenting Mum, not fully appreciating that that choice would be just as much about my baby as it would be about me. My exact words in response were: ' I will not be buying that, because I will not be doing that.' After she helpfully shared that most Mums will usually have a few nights when they do need it, which had no effect on me she smiled and had this look on her face, which, must have been her thinking: 'Well alright, I'll just wait and ask you how that's going when you actually have baby with you at home.' Given just how many times I have actually used the bassinet for night time sleep, this is my confession Mrs A, you were right!
I am finding that every baby is different and our experience with our babies will be unique. It sounds obvious, but I only fully appreciated this in the last couple of weeks, from speaking to Mums who all have babies about the same age as Coco (give or take a month) and actually realising no two sleep stories - how babies slept and where they did, were exactly the same. For us, I had not factored in just how sensitive Baby C would be, wanting to be held and close to me a lot. I had under estimated just how tiring I would find picking her up from bassinet for night time feeds. When she arrived, we had to find our own rhythm.
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When I had my birth plan chat at around the 34 week mark during pregnancy, my older sister from this post, came along. I proudly announced my birth plan as natural birth. I was asked: 'epidural if necessary?', I nodded in agreement, but it was only because I had told myself I was going to try to be open minded. Really though, my mind was glued to my natural birth plan and I was determined to show the world that I was able. I had been reading the book Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering by Sarah J Buckley.
My sister (who, did have a natural with gas and air), actually openly scoffed when I said my plan was natural. That should have been a sign, for me to stop and hear her out, but let's just say I was focused on the task at hand and was not going to be distracted by doubters. You see, I also added that I wanted a delayed cord clamping and natural placenta birthing. I still like the principle behind these ideas, but that is a post for another day. If that natural plan, had gone to plan then all good and well, but it turns out it wasn't meant to play out that way. Instead, my labour story was induction, epidural and an assisted vaginal delivery. It was very far removed from the listening to your body, rush of love at the final push, soft music, dark room, squats and labouring in water 'natural' experience I had envisioned. A lot of other Mums have said the same, that they did not get their birth plan in reality, for various reasons.
The bottom line take away from my experience though, was that what people don't tell you, is, ensuring a healthy Mum and Baby is really the birth plan. The birth plan is an 'all alive and well' plan. Your midwife/doctor knows it, your mother prays it and your partner is there holding it together, seeing it through to that end result.
But why do they tell pregnant women to think about a plan, make their plan, share the plan before hand and also advise to bring the plan to the hospital too? I have been thinking about it and can only speculate that it's possibly:
1. To help you prepare for the delivery.
2. So you do have an idea of your preferences, and they can be implemented, if its a simple straight forward labour. But it's a big IF, as there are a lot of variables that must go right for you to make your birth plan a reality.
3. Pregnant women are not the most rational people. Especially about their baby, growing in their tummy, who they want the absolute best for, with some input on what that is.
The birth plan system annoyed me because it gave me a false sense of security that I had a say and was in control. I am fastidious about planning in general. So finding out my birth plan was really plan B not A like I had been told, took a bit of getting my head around. I would rather take a healthy me and baby to following a birth plan, but why aren't they (medical staff) just up front about what exactly the birth plan means in the first place, or rather just put less emphasis on making a birth plan.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this - do you think having a birth plan is a good idea? What effect did having birth plan have on your delivery?
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Two Stories on Expectations and Reality
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