My Perfect, Perfect Life. Not.

My Perfect, Perfect Life. Not.

I wrote the post below last week. Then I didn't post it. I was thinking: is this a bit heavy for a mummy blog? I also thought, 'this is not what the blog is about - its a bit off topic'. Three things have happened since then that reminded me that the right thing to do is to share the post that was sitting in my draft. In order of how it unfolded, here are the three things that gave me the kick:

Last week, I was talking to my dear, dear friend and randomly our conversation veered towards instagram and the rosy look pictures published showed of peoples lives. I hadn't told her about the post, which I had already written, and I certainly hadn't shared about my feelings on the topic, either.

This afternoon, I met up with a fellow Mummy blogger and we had many conversations on various topics. Again, somehow, our conversation led us to Instagram and she talked about the great lives/lifestyles she saw and what effect that had on her and how she posts on Instagram. She wouldn't want anyone to feel some type of way about their lives based on what they saw on her feed. She shared with me a very beautiful view point on the topic, but I will let her be the owner (and sharer) of that.

Finally, this evening, as I was catching up on a hugely popular women's lifestyle blog, written by a mum of two in America, what did I see - in a very personal post, she shared that she had scrolled through instagram and seen pictures of people that made her think they had easy lives (she had just lost her brother-in-law and was working through some other family matters).

It seems a lot of us don't necessarily want to be surrounded by perfect pictures, lives or instagram feeds. We crave depictions of real life and pictures that reflect what is true - that life is full of ups and downs, happy and not-so-happy. I am not sure why I imagined that I might be alone in my feelings on this, but realising that other people are feeling this way too is very reassuring.

Heres the post I drafted, to see how I framed my views on the topic:
My friends who know me well, know that I am a social media phobe. I am rubbish on Facebook - I read interesting articles friends have shared, look at pictures of what they've been up to from time to time, but rarely post pictures or interesting status updates. You can say, I am a lazy, (but nosy, haha) Facebook user.

I tried to love Pinterest when I got down to planning our wedding, but soon gave up on it. I think I had pinned four pictures in over a year, so it was well overdue, when I closed the account.

I didn't really think I qualified to be on another social media platform - clearly they don't make them for people like me, but I opened an Instagram (IG) account for the blog about a week or two after I started writing posts, last December. I was pumped, I was ready to interact, I had an account name, (easy peasy - @bforbetula)... go! And with one click, my Instagram life was jump started and it has been quite an interesting journey.

I follow other mums or mummy related Instagram pages, and post on baby products we use, baby outfits, maternity outfits, alerts on new blog post  and little snippets of my mummy life (and trust me when I say it's imperfect, but a happy and fulfilling one, too).

I love 

The funny memes or videos.

Seeing a glimpse of other Mums' lives that I can usually relate to - it looks just like my typical day.

Being inspired or picking up interesting tips/tricks.

Reading about personal stories - Mums really open and share about their struggles. I have come across a fertility and then adoption attempt story that turned into twin little girls birthed by lucky mum, she blogs at unashamedgrowth.com, and a story about a decision to keep an unplanned pregnancy and raise a baby as a single mum etc. I love the rallying around and support people offer, it really does make my heart swell (and my face wet).

Connecting with people. The other day there was a black out and I was exchanging comments on Instagram with a random lady (not sure she was even a Mum) also sitting in the dark in London.

I don't Love
I sometimes wonder if it is healthy for people (myself included), to look at feed after feed of beautiful pictures of what looks like picture perfect lives of other women or mothers. I like to look at pretty things too, just not all the time, it can get a bit 'perfect' and I know thats not real.

I understand the logic of those behind the accounts- you put your best foot forward in life, so why wouldn't you post the best pictures of you and your family/your hair/your awesome wardrobe/your bags online too, but sometimes I can't help feeling like 'wheres the balance'? The IG accounts I enjoy the most have this element.  I like to have a good handle on real life and reality, including the good, the bad and the not-so-great parts of life.

I feel like these perfect IG pictures should come with a little disclaimer 'this is a tiny glimpse into my life, it is not the whole picture'. But maybe most people just add that little disclaimer in as a mental memo to themselves as they scroll through. Maybe you already figured that Instagram is 'not so serious' for you too. Also, I think there is something to be said for taking into account what people who are posting's intentions are too. And, it is not a numbers game, there are some very popular instagram accounts with huge followings, that encourage balance and will do some 'no make up pictures', and avoid the 'lovey dovey' cliche pictures on certain days ;), and other such reminders that they are 'normal' people.

I promised myself when I started this blog to try to put out truth. I am conscious of it, in the same way one is conscious of the words that come out of their mouth and the weight those can carry, but I probably have slips, too - human!

I saw this quote by Tracee Ellis Ross and I understand where she's coming from: 'I just strongly promote pushing against this culture of perfection.'

Phew, that was long, but lovely to get out. Are you on Instagram? Does any of the above ring true for you?

x

My Perfect, Perfect Life. Not.