Baby Sleep - Truths & How I Won The Battle

Baby Sleep - Truths & How I Won The Battle

This is strictly about sleep in the first six months.

I did put up a post on good sleep habits/routines to introduce from the beginning, to help with getting your new baby into a sleep routine, including white noise, swaddling, and not looking into baby's eyes, but beyond new born sleep (which I found fairly straight forward), I have not ventured deep into the sleep conversation on this blog. That's because, night time sleep is still work in progress, for us! Hand on heart, straight face, left hand up - this sleep matter has whirled around my head and made me dizzy with irritation. But, all that stressing came to an end and let me tell you, the relief was incredible when it came. First, let me tell the background story.

You name it, we have been through it in relation to sleep:
Not being able to put sleeping baby down during the day for a nap, when I do she wakes up - tick
Needing to rock baby for her to go to sleep - tick
Only sleeping when I am holding her during the day - tick
Only sleeping when I hold her during the night - tick
She wakes up crying hysterically, randomly, during her night time sleep, with her eyes shut - tick
Fighting sleep during the day when, I know she is tired - tick
Waking up every two hours at night, even after three months old, when I was aware that technically, she could sleep through the night - tick
Transitioning baby into bassinet from my bed, meaning more frequent wakes through the night - tick
Had days when only woke up once for food then regressed - tick
Still waking up for night time feeds even now - tick
Screaming and crying for 40 mins during attempts to drop a feed - tick
Still use blankie for comfort (though appears to be more for my comfort, than hers) - tick
Still have solid bedtime routine -tick

These are some truths I have discovered along the way:

Most babies are not perfect self-soothing sleepers
Most Mums I know, have some sleep pattern/routine that they are still working through, including Mums of toddlers. It could be encouraging day time naps that is proving a challenge or discouraging waking up in the middle of the night, or trying to wean toddler of the need to be rocked to sleep, or a whole host of other sleep challenges.

Yes, there are exceptions, there must be some babies who nap when they should, self-soothe to sleep, and sleep 12 straight hours at night to from age 3 weeks to 5 years old.  But, in the same way some mums got through breastfeeding easy-peasy and some mums had a sneeze-and-baby-came-out firstborn delivery story  - yes, it can happen, but more often, we hear about the tough and it-was-not-what-I-was expecting accounts, from the mums we know.

The key take away: STOP. Do not despair, you are not alone and it is not for anything you are doing wrong or not doing.

And then they change
There have been so many times when I have gotten excited about a sleep routine and been on the cusp of writing a 'sleep' post, only for my nuggets of information to become obsolete as what works no longer does. Basically, Coco up and changes on me every so often with sleep.

The key take away: don't get too excited or frustrated when you notice a pattern - good or bad, baby may very well change that pattern again soon. Especially true during 3 to 6 months.

Try this, try that, but don't force things

With sleep, I have been very open to listening to recommendations and tried different tips and tricks (within reason off course). Sometimes the methods I try are shared to me by my mums or by other new mums, or found online or in a book, but a lot of the times it's a combination of these different sources.

But I make sure to never force it. For example, if someone recommends I give Coco a bottle of formula milk twice a day to get her to sleep longer at night, and swears that works like magic for her baby son, I am not going to go home and attempt that. One, because I have no problems with breastfeeding so plan to continue that for a little longer, and two - because she refuses to take a bottle anyway. But what I may do is try to express milk, and give it to her, say last thing at night in a cup. Just to see if it is any help. I listen to sleep advice but then I tweak it before I try it, based on what I know to be true for my baby. 

The key take away: apply tips & tricks with common sense, based on what your baby's temperament is and what you can live with. Trust your instinct, if it sounds crazy to you, don't even bother attempting the tip. 

How will they know what the trick is

I am very suspicious when people tell me some routine done in this exact way works for their baby with regards sleep so, if I do it exactly as they do it it will work for my baby too. I have found this to be false. The first reason is to do with the point in the paragraph above - babies are different and what works for one may not work for the other. The second thing is, sometimes I have tried different things all at once, or only one tip, but then Coco had a vaccination or really sore gums that week, that then makes it difficult to tell what exactly caused the lack of sleep or a good nights rest, she had that night.

The key takeaway: It can be difficult to predict what has resulted in a good or bad nights sleep.

How bad is it - really?
If your baby's lack of sleeping or interrupted sleep is affecting your marriage or is meaning you wake up too exhausted to function the next day, whether with taking care of baby or performing your duties at work, then by all means go guns blazing down the sleep training route. Try to work at it. But, if like me, you would just like to get back to the love affair you had with sleep before you had a baby, then the one tip I can give you, is that it is all in the mind.

The big trick for me was dusting it off my shoulders. Since, I decided not to care so much about night time sleep, I have felt so much better. I know it sounds like such a 'basic' tip, but it works. Since I started to spend those times she wakes up looking at her, holding her, smelling her and soaking it all in (while she feeds mostly unaware of my doting), I have been relaxed and felt better about it. I look at her cherubic face and I give myself permission to hold these moments in my heart.

The key takeaway: Don't be bugged down by trying to win the sleep battle. It only matters if you make it a big deal. I remind myself that it will be all fine in the end, that she is healthy and doing really well, in general.

Now look at the full picture
Coco does not need to be rocked to sleep. She sleeps OK during the day - I can tell when she is tired and I put her to bed then. She is guaranteed to go to sleep after her night time routine - bath, massage, pyjamas, feed. She does not wake up to 'play' at night - it's almost as though she wants her food quickly and is keen to go right back to sleep.

Every child has a sleep 'full picture', one or a few redeeming factors which show they are doing well in some respects in relation to sleep, such as the ones I have shared about Coco in the paragraph above. Consider these points too, when you think about what is not working. Another thing that made sleep click into place for me, was hearing different parents' accounts. I concluded that, in general, sleep is a tough cookie, with no real hard and fast rule that works for all babies. Trying recommendations can help, but if it doesn't and like me, you're not prepared to go down and fully commit to the crying-it-out method, look on the bright side - there will be many plus points, not just in relation to sleep, but in your baby's all-round development.

When our kids are older, I have a feeling sleep worries is one of the things we will look back on and have a big laugh about. Or at least, that is what I tell myself.

Remember this is just about the first six months. I might be telling a different story at the 12months mark (but fingers crossed - it won't even be a 'thing' then!).

How is your baby sleeping? How are your feelings towards it and what would you recommend to help - I would love to hear.
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Baby Sleep - Truths & How I Won The Battle