A Letter to Coco vol 4

A Letter to Coco vol 4

I haven't written one of these letters in a little while. The other day I was watching her  eat in her high chair and it felt surreal. I call these moments a kiddy high moment. So, here goes:

Letter to Coco vol 4
5:55pm 24 march

Today, sitting here watching you eat. I see your big cheeks and big eyes, accompanied by big slurpy sounds - I realise you're perfect. It doesn't matter what you do or not do, the mistakes you make or the paths you choose along the way in this life, to me, you are perfect.


I have been ill, and then just fatigued and it didn't change a thing about how I feel about you.
Not that I thought it would, but what a feeling to know this intense love and recognise it so firm, sturdy and rooted, regardless of what is going on with me. This mothering instinct and feelings that are only new, but that I am now starting to really enjoy and be comfortable in.

Over the last few weeks, you have discovered more objects, corners, and that you can really explore. Where you were happy before to sit and observe, you now know that you can move around,  feel, chew, bang on and touch - and so you do. I watch in amusement, mixed in with relief and nervousness. I am proud that you exert yourself and go off independently, but I worry that your fearless stunts will lead you to danger - bumps, scratches and at worst, falls.

You have crawled under the dinning table and half under the bed,  pulled out drawers, moved the sliding doors in the shower and reached for appliances in the kitchen, at every opportunity. You have pushed your diaper pail, pulled wires and tasted shoes. You have attempted to pull yourself up using a  small ball and learnt the hard way that that is no easy task!

Our days are coloured with laughs and silly antics. Blowing raspberries, throwing smiles of appreciation at each other and then sweet sweet cuddles just before nap time. Oh, but you have not let me have it easy all of the time: feeding you to your very sophisticated (read: increasingly choosy) taste is a challenge and sometimes during the day, you just want to do what you want to do, regardless of my attempts to re-direct you. And then I hear that familiar I am not happy noise, that I simply cannot bear, honestly it's almost as bad as hearing you cry, I am quick to remedy what ever is bothering you, just to make it stop.

These days, when you're frightened you hold me tight and then put your little arms around my neck. I don't like to see the fright, but that you choose to cling to me - where did you learn that - it melts my heart. You still love to play with Aunties, kiss sweet Grandmas at church (whose names we do not know) and reach your little arms out to touch the faces of people who carry you. You are a constant smiler, but you only dole out big belly loud laughs when you're super excited. Unfailingly, I laugh along to those, because I only get to hear it so often. 

I am that proud Mum, I am that person whose heart is full, I am that dancing figure in the afternoon sunlight, just to see if you'll dance along and the face that peers out at you mid shower to say 'cheeky cheeky girl',  just so you know I am there. It's my cheeks you look up at and pull when you are in your baby carrier, and my hair that you take hand full of, much to my chagrin. There I am when, after a few minutes of playing, you look for me. And now I forgive myself more easily for my mistakes and my 'sillies'. None of all that stuff matters. Life has so much beauty and I will rather spend my time and thoughts on what I am grateful for... so so much! I am working on it.

All these moments
All these wonders
The happy screams
The giggles
The chubby arms and legs
The conversations when you spot yourself in the mirror
The blabbering that sounds like you're singing a song

Happy happy six months firecracker, grabber, explorer Coco

Love
Mama and Dad

A Letter to Coco vol 4